Pass the Tofu B*tches

I like food. Love food. One of my favorite things to do is eat. I plan my dinner while I am eating lunch. I stuff myself full because I can’t stand the thought of missing out on one more taste. You get the freaking picture.

But, I have a secret to tell y’all…

I have not had any meat, eggs, coffee (or any caffeine for that matter), milk, or refined sugars since June 6th. Yea, you heard me. No, I am not going vegan. I don’t care what those Skinny Bitches say, I am eating cheese and yogurt. I see your stink eyes. Yes, cheese and yogurt are technically milk but I’m talking about in my smoothie, on my granola type milk.

After filling my body with abused and hormone injected rotting flesh for 24 years, I decided that maybe my tummy wasn’t meant to digest this sh*t. And now that you think about it, yours probably isn’t either huh? Therefore, I’m reaching for the Tofu. And I feel good. And my digestive system is sending me rainbow laced smiles every day. And my skin is glowing with healthy non-caffeine depleted rays of hydration.

Here comes the tricky part…. My dad’s side of the family are cattle farmers. They make their living on raising and selling beef cattle. Not so sure how this is gonna go down at Thanksgiving but I guess that leaves me a lot of time to practice my monologue and tighten my abs because I will most likely be punched in the gut and/or stoned.

 

But alas, those bruises will heal and all the chickens and goats and cows and birds will love me and be my friend. And you will spill your scalding hot pesticide laced coffee all down your cellulite covered arms. Too much? Maybe I got a little carried away.

I am making lifestyle decisions. But they still include wine. I’m not going totally Gwyneth on y’all.

Moo,

Pretend Wine Is No Fun

I am dying for a 72 degree cool and breezy evening 

to sit on a cozy patio with all my girls

and drink some vino and laugh at all our wild and silly nights together. 

But we are all so far away so I had to pretend.

Pretend wine is not fun.

Moody Monday

I remember Sophomore year of college when my roommate Torri introduced me to Colbie Caillat.

And I'm still liking her.

Tap your feet why don't ya,

We're Going To The Chapel

Got ya.

Did anyone get tingly in their tummies? Couldn't help it.

Anyways, Manfriend and I are headed to Tulsa to celebrate with two friends that will become Mr. & Mrs. this weekend.

So, while we are dancing and eating and catching the bouquet, feast your eyes on a little inspiration

Happy Weekend,

WTF Blogger

Ok blogger. We've got hair pulling worthy issues!

I post things a week in advance because I don't have time (not to mention it can most likely get me fired) to post at work.

But you are being a total "Ahole" and I have had to repost every picture for the past week.

This is complete and utter bullsh*t, not to mention unfair to me and all my virtual friend.

Get your sh*t together.

Please.

Got the Yips

So apparently I am not good at staying in one place for too long

And how could I be?!

 When I see gorgeous photos of absolutely stunning places...

I want to go there.

And experience the culture.

And stay a while.

This September I am headed to England, Scotland and Ireland with Sister and my dad.

September. That is two months away and I am already planning my next trip.

And I think it's going to be to Italy and Greece

And lawdy help me because I just may become a gypsy and travel the rest of my life. 

Because there is just so much more to life.

And I am trying so hard to remember that every day.

Who's your favorite?

So whenever I am watching the Bachelorette, I find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss so many guys without being a total s.l.u.t.

I mean, seriously tough life she has. 

But it has to be weird right?

"Bentley was my number one but he's gone now so let's make out."

What about the Butcher?



Is it wrong that I'm disappointed he got the boot?

But I have to say, I am tots diggin on JP. All the time. Every Monday. 

Swoon. 

Not to mention that last week she said that kissing JP was magical....

Good gracious, it's a good thing Manfriend doesn't smile at me like that.

I'd be a pile of mush.

Who's your number 1? 

Salty and Sweet

Last weekend my friend Erin kidnapped me, forced me into her 4runner, and drug me to Midtown to High Fashion Home.

Obviously I was miserable walking amongst this

For a little over an hour I touched every fabric, rubbed my feet on every carpet, smelled every candle, and sat on every couch/chair/ottoman.

Talk about a great way to get those creative “juices” flowing. Y’all owe her a huge pat on the bootie because I am really starting to feel my passion for color, textures, textiles, and generally gorgeous things coming rushing back to me.

Then you need to spank her also because she FORCED me to Dessert Gallery where we had a race to consume the most sugar possible

But, I will have to say, she made it up to me. 

How you ask….

vodka and Hairspray.

 Too bad Edna Turnblad couldn’t share a cocktail with us. 

That would really be hard to ‘beat’ for sure! 

Moody Monday

I'll beat you up for your Nick Minaj concert tickets.

I don't lie.

And then I'll buy you a drink.

Cheers,

Oh Happy Day to Paris We Go

You won't believe this one!

Jordan at Oh Happy Day is celebrating her 5 year blog anniverary with a 7 day trip to Paris.

Uh, that's right. Paris, France.

There are several ways to win but you better get a move on because she is choosing the winner this Monday!

I'm sorry, why are you still here? I said P.A.R.I.S. so move!

2 sets of 10 toes

For the past few months Stephanie at Sabbespot has posted some awesome baby sewing projects.

My favorites being

and most recently these cute things

She is ever talented and made it seem so easy and stylish that I was left thinking I had no choice but to steal a little bambino to create something so tiny and adorable for.

Well guess what…I don’t have to steal one yall.

No you freaks, I am not pregnant.

But someone in my family is. And it just so happens that we (my family) are expecting 2 sets of 10 tiny toes.

That’s right, TWINS! 

And guess what else….one little lady and one little man are cooking away in that baby oven.

I cannot begin to say how blessed and excited we all are.

Or how excited I am to have an amazing excuse to purchase a sewing machine of my very own and create tiny baby clothes to put on my future niece and nephew.

So this is where yall come in….do you have a sewing machine? 

What’s a great basic machine that would be perfect for this but still have the ability to sew curtains for my later life?

Help an auntie out!

photos via Sabbespot

**the past week I have had to re-post every photo. Blogger is ticking me off!

The calm before the storm

What could be more peaceful?

Consider this a lame post if you must but I have been busy on Pinterest where I stole this from here and it soothes me.

I need a nap

Images via Pinterest

                

                                                                  

Did you bring your pillow?