Monday, February 28, 2011

A Threat

Last week a nasty virus took over my body for much longer that acceptable...and then it rocked my emotional and mental stability.
Turns out that my dad, manfriend, aunt, grandmother, 2 bridesmaids, brother, and sister-in-law all experienced the rage of the same infectious, viral plague. Must have all picked it up at the wedding extravaganza.
After nearly 3 days of 100+ fevers, body aches and tummy troubles, I headed back to work feeling rather faint.

And then came the doldrums.
It's like, I couldn't get out of the funk.
I went from spending a glorious weekend with my family and close friends to being at least 12 hours away from a blood relative and/or bestie, feeling like I was going to die, and then returning to work and the ever-increasing realization that I loathe my current career/job/position....
I wanted to sleep and not wake up for a few days. I wanted to jet home to the safety of my mom and puppies. I wanted to quite my job and run away to Europe. I wanted to take a 3 hours lunch break and attempt to fill this growing hole in my chest with cute clothes or cake.
Mostly, I wanted to cry. And cry. And cry.

But, I did not.

I am still not completely out of my funk.
I still feel like I am screaming on the inside and floating through the motions of daily life.
I still want to climb in the bed and hide....but I won't.

Why am I telling y'all all of this? I am not sure. Maybe because sometimes it is nice to know that other people have the same thoughts, issues, moments of darkness....Maybe I am just trying to be honest with myself and the virtual friends that I have met and shared parts of my life with. And doesn't this part of my life warrant a chapter in the book blog? Maybe I am secretly wanting y'all to say that you too feel this way and that I am just "normal." But then I hear the voice of my mother saying "Normal is a setting on a dryer Sarah."

If I am missing for a few days, I just need a little break from a few things....and start to gather my swords and fight back this feeling.

Time to be proactive because after all,

1 comment:

Erin said...

I feel you on the whole not liking your current job situation because, hello, I am SO there right now. (And counting down the days until we move so I can do what makes my heart sing again.)

Good luck pushing through! And that quote is SO true. All of these trivial things, like work, are what we make of them. :)